My experience with anxiety
Anxiety, ugh. Where to start? This is a big topic and honestly extremely common. First, know this…you are not alone. I wish I had known this when I was at my worst with anxiety. I thought I was the only one who could possibly be experiencing this type of anxiety. Second, no shame if you need medication. I feel it’s best to try and focus on ways to help through diet and lifestyle first, but obviously not the case for everyone. Before I ever experienced anxiety, I thought it was the same for everyone. I assumed every single person felt exactly the same when they were anxious. Nope.
Here’s my experience. It started in my early to mid 20’s. One of the first times I can recall experiencing this gut wrenching anxiety was at an outdoor concert. As I made my way through a huge crowd of people in hopes of getting to the other side where they sold drinks and food, halfway through I suddenly started to feel panicky. It was immediate and INTENSE. I felt extremely anxious and thought I was going to throw up. I had to turn around. I started to make my way back through the crowd and felt it slowly disappear, as I knew I would be out of it in a few minutes. I cannot speak for everyone, but this was the type of anxiety I had. Anxious to the point of feeling sick. This went on for a few years. I waited tables at the time and would feel it taking orders, waiting in line at grocery stores, basically any situation where I felt “stuck”, I would panic and feel nauseous. It was AWFUL. Not looking for sympathy, but it was a truly awful time in my life as it kept me from doing so many things. I would say no to things often because I never wanted that feeling. I would make excuses as to why I couldn’t go somewhere or why I couldn’t do something. I also kept a lot of it to myself which was hard. I didn’t want people to know because I felt weird and embarrassed.
Once I got into the wellness space, I realized how common anxiety is and how much it helped to talk about it. Once you start opening up about your struggles, you realize how many people are also struggling and you definitely feel less alone. I even had a couple people tell me, “yup, that’s exactly the kind of anxiety I have”. And to think, all this time I thought I was the only one in the world with this. Dramatic, I know.
What helped me? There’s A LOT that goes into this but I will do the best I can in explaining what helped me and how I got through it. Firstly, these things usually stem from something. I had a lot going on in my life around the time it started. A new home owner, a break up, living with friends, working, no real purpose, partying more, etc. I think I felt a bit lost honestly. But, I was young and making the best of my situation.
Laying off the booze was a big one for me. It still kills me to this day to hear people say, “I just feel more relaxed if I drink” or “it calms my mind and helps me sleep”. I know this all too well. For a while, I thought it was helping me. If I felt insanely anxious and had a drink, it would calm my nerves, sure. But I promise you, in the long run, it could be making things worse. I remember going to therapy at the peak of this anxiety and having a drink beforehand because I couldn’t stand the thought of sitting down in a closed room, speaking to a stranger about this issue. I needed something to take the edge off. Obviously masking a problem with another problem is never a good idea. I was young and loved to socially drink with my friends but I knew this was part of the problem. I could feel it. I decided to give it up for a couple weeks and felt my anxiety improve pretty significantly. A quick confirmation that this was contributing to the issue. Over the next few years, I became more health conscious over time. I still had habits, but I was constantly thinking about them and how they played a role in my mental and physical health. A big part of growing is failing. I failed a lot. I could picture the life I wanted but it felt daunting to try and get there. I had a long way to go. It was a slow process but I just became more and more infatuated with health and wellness and was intrigued by how good I could feel. I started reading and learning more about nutrition, experiencing different diets, and how these things impacted my mental health. I will say that it takes work. Over time, I have put lots of work in to get to this point.
Diet was another huge factor to feeling good mentally. Nourishing our bodies with nutrient-dense foods can do wonders for not only our physical health, but mental health as well. I noticed I felt more wholesome and calm when I focused on real, whole foods. If I were to binge on some ultra processed snacks or takeout, I could tell there was a big difference. I feel that people relate food to physical health, but it is very much a mental health thing as well.
Any type of movement will also do wonders for anxiety. Sitting around all day thinking about how anxious you are and why is obviously not a good idea. Get up, go for a walk, lift some weights, go hiking, ANYTHING that you love that involves movement is so good for your mental health. Getting out in nature, especially. I took up hiking and have noticed how good it makes me feel. Working up a sweat all while breathing in the fresh, crisp air, hearing birds chirp, surrounded by mother nature. Literally therapeutic. It helped me so much.
There are so many other things that have helped me since, including: more sunshine, quality sleep, talking about my struggles, connecting with others, deep breathing exercises, removing yourself from people or situations that contribute to your anxiety, and more. Everything is connected. I also believe that when you focus on diet, movement, sleep, etc, you are setting yourself up for success. There ARE ways to help. Will they completely solve your anxiety? That I don’t know. It really depends on the person. For me personally, I had pretty bad anxiety and I would say it’s 80-90% better. I still get a little anxious in certain situations but nothing like before. So to me, that’s a big win.
What I continue to focus on for stress/anxiety:
Real, whole foods
Zero or limited alcohol
Movement
Nature
Quality sleep
Sunshine
Connecting with others
Deep breathing exercises
It really helped me to read others' stories, especially the ones involving drinking and anxiety. The two don’t do so well together. We all have struggles and there is no shame in admitting those struggles and working on them. My hope is for others to, for one, feel less alone in the health and wellness space, as we all have work to do. And second, to know you can feel better and work on yourself ANYTIME you want. The road to healing is neverending. There’s always ways to improve and strive for health and happiness.